Reel them in: Dune

(A follow-on to "Hooked by the first chapter: Dune.")

My wife needed all of 2 days to read Dune, which is fast even for her. She liked it, with some minor reservations. I'm a slower reader, so I've only read the first 6 chapters. I'm not reading for pleasure. My intent is to analyze Frank Herbert's craft. Each successive entry in this series will probably cover larger portions of the book, since I want to avoid repeating myself.

Here's my analysis of chapters 2 through 6 of Dune:

• Crafting an over-the-top villain. If Baron Harkonnen had a mustache, he'd be twirling it. He spends most of the second chapter hidden in shadow, spinning a globe like the scheming madman in a children's cartoon. We don't get a description of his grotesque appearance until the end of the chapter, but his dialogue reveals much. He is sadistic, impatient, and expressive. He sighs and growls and repeats his words, often with emphasis. Note his passionate expression, in contrast to Paul's self-control. He bickers with his Mentat assassin, Piter De Vries, casually threatening his life. De Vries is revealed to be an addict of sorts, and his compensation for orchestrating the Atreides family's downfall is the Lady Jessica. You could call him a sensualist, like Dmitri in The Brothers Karamazov. He and the Baron repeatedly refer to each other by name, which⁠—if that's ever been done to you, you know⁠—is very condescending. The third person in the room, the Baron's ambitious eye-rolling nephew, Feyd-Rautha, is mostly silent in this scene. He wants to supplant the Baron's son as heir, but he personally can't stand him. The sum of these character traits paints a vivid picture of a greedy, malicious royal household.
  
  
• Spoiling the twist. It's remarkable how Frank Herbert spoils Dr. Yueh's betrayal in the second chapter. It's then confirmed in an excerpt from Princess Irulan's writings a few pages later. Given away so early in the story, does it even qualify as a twist? What's more is House Atreides know the betrayal is coming⁠—and the Baron knows they know. What they don't know is how they're going to be betrayed. Henceforth every scene has a built-in tension that keeps the pages turning: Will the Atreides find the traitor? And what will come after if they do or don't?
  
  A minor issue my wife has with Dune is it's not explained how or when Yueh's wife was kidnapped. It's no small thing. The kidnapping would have been a major event in-universe, so why isn't it treated that way? In my opinion this is a shortcoming of the book, but, like a good writer, Herbert uses craft to cover it up. He focuses the reader on the known fact of Yueh's betrayal, not on the mechanism. If he'd kept Yueh's betrayal a mystery until page 200, the surprise, if it was going to have any clout, would have to be explained. Some readers might be alienated by the fact that House Atreides, which includes so many sharp minds, missed something so obvious.
  
  
• Expanding the cast. After another scene with Paul, the Reverend Mother, and Lady Jessica, we get three quick scenes introducing the supporting cast. First comes Mentat assassin Thufir Hawat and Gurney Halleck, then the traitor Dr. Yueh, and finally Duke Leto Atreides. The technique of introducing these supporting characters one by one is helpful to the reader. Having Paul be the one constant in all three chapters ensconces him as the main POV character.
  
  Now, about Gurney: ugly, lumpy Gurney. He's the most lovable character we've seen so far. He plays music, sings songs, and banters with Paul. Their friendship is personal, even if Gurney is his father's employee. What best exemplifies this is how Gurney frightens Paul in the sparring session. It's those you are closest to who can take such liberties without hardening your feelings towards them.
  
  Duke Leto comes last in the procession, a choice that surely was deliberate on Herbert's part. Having the Duke come last gives the impression of a busy, albeit caring, father. Around him Paul is at his most relaxed and vulnerable. The Duke allays his fears and shares details about the family's strategy and tactics. Like a good father, he does not talk down to him, but rather teaches him, helping develop Paul's faculties by subtle suggestion and encouragement. The Duke comes off as a tragic character, confident and capable and discerning, but like Paul a man with an unavoidable destiny. He cannot avoid the trap the Harkonnens have set.
  
  
• Let the dialogue do the work. For a work celebrated for its attention to detail, it's fascinating how often the setting for the action in Dune is a nondescript room. At least in these first few chapters, there's hardly any setting interaction. For the character action, dialogue is seemlessly integrated, often supplanting narration. Paul and Gurney's sparring session stands out. Herbert mostly describes only one character's movements at a time, leaving you to infer the other's. The narration is efficient and moves quickly to summary, rather than give a blow-by-blow account.
  
  The other event that stands out is Dr. Yueh showing Paul how to work a microfilm-type device. Operating it is rather mundane, and Yueh's explanation stands on its own. A novice writer may not intuitively understand this: Unless there's a specific reason for it, you don't need to tell the reader the same thing twice. You give weight and realism to what the characters say by letting them tell the story. You should also let their words reveal their character, such as Yueh's halting way of speaking shows he's afraid Paul will sense his motives, or how the Baron's breathy speeches betrays a sadistic mania.

What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment below. I'll reply as soon as I can.

If you've read Dune and you're looking for something new to read, give my books a try, and visit the author blogs listed in the sidebar. I've made the first four chapters of my second book, Seeds of Calamity, available for free. It's set 200 years in the future and contains an alien parasite that gives its host clairvoyance! If that piques your interest, get yourself a copy at Amazon. I appreciate the support!